Family

Family is a very important aspect in the lives of middle school girls. While many are attempting to separate from their families and establish their independence, they still rely heavily on the family structure as a major support in their lives. Girls from supportive families are much less likely to engage in high-risk behaviors, such as drug and alcohol use and early sexual involvement (National Longitudinal Study on Adolescent Health, 1999). In examining the videos returned during the project, it became clear that the girls who were experiencing good family relations were also more confident in their ability to surmount the difficulties of adolescence.

It was also evident that the girls' families came in just about every possible variation. There were intact, two parent families in which the girls had good relationships with both mother and father, as well as those in which daughters felt they had a good relationship with only one parent. There were also girls from two parent families who felt connected to neither parent. Many reported a larger gap in their relationship with their fathers than their mothers.

There were girls from divorced families who felt close to both parents, or to just one parent. Stepparents were also seen by some as welcome additions to their lives, while for others, the stepparents were detrimental.

Some girls also came from extended families in which grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins provided additional support.

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What Some of the Girls Said:

• Me and my dad are like closer than anything in the whole world and he means so much to me and I don't know, he knows me so well and I know him so well.

• As I got older, dad and me just drifted apart, and we don't talk about stuff anymore. Well, my dad was like my best friend, I could tell him anything, but I can't anymore because he's never home, and if he's home, me and him are fighting, so I can't really talk to him about anything.

• Communication is hard in my family ëcause my dad's not home a lot, so I don't get to talk to him that much, but every time I do get to talk to him, I like definitely speak what's on my mind so I can get it out.
  
  
• My mother means the world to me. My family means the world to me. I do anything to make things better for my family, I guess. Sometimes it might not seem like that when I fight with my brother or my sister, but I just want to make my family proud of me and happy and I don't want to neglect my position as the older sister in my family. I don't want to make my mom ashamed of me and I just want her to be proud of who I am and who my sister and brother are.

• Me and my mom, we're really close. I feel comfortable telling her stuff and my dad I can tell him some stuff but mainly I have a bond with my mom.

• My mom's my best friend. I tell her most everything. She like, she understands and she's not like a lot of mom's because she has this weird way of bringing me up and it's more like she's my big sister than my mom. And my dad, he's pretty cool, too. He understands how it is to grow up and they remember all that stuff, unlike some parents. And so that's pretty cool.

• Who understands me the most? Probably my mom, I guess, only because I guess she's supposed to, she's my mom. She has to understand me. No, I think she understands me because I feel like I can tell her anything if I wanted to and she would understand and I know she'd get me out of anything if I needed her to, and so I think she understands me a lot.

• They're still married. They fight sometimes and they argue, but basically, they get along most of the time.

• They don't have a lot of influence on my life. They just tell me to study and do stuff around the house.

• I just wish that my parents would at least pay a little more attention to me than they do to my younger siblings, ëcause sometimes they do expect my opinion, but sometimes they don't ëcause they say that I'm just a little kid and I don't know anything. But sometimes that hurts me because I do know something, but they don't know it. I know somethin's goin' on, but they just won't tell, so sometimes I get hurt by that.

• I have not a very good relationship with my parents, because we don't talk about anything. They just go off and do their thing and I do mine. I'm used to it, it's normal, that's what we do.

• My family, they support me every single day. They never let me down. And they never say like anything bad. If I do something bad, they just ask me why I did that.

• Probably the hardest thing is getting along with my parents. ëCause I guess I'm at that age where I don't like everything that they're doing.

• I don't really get along with my mom, but my dad, I get along with him sometimes. And my brothers and sisters, we get along sometimes, too.

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Beyond the Butterfly is co-produced by Wisconsin Public Television and NEWIST/CESA #7 (Northeastern Wisconsin In-School Telecommunications).